New Script ~ Opinions Wanted

So I took all the constructive criticism that was left from the last script
(thank you caitlin and Adil)
and re-wrote the script.

This is now version 5, the one that i last uploaded was version 3 ~ so i've actually re-worded and worked on it twice since you guys last saw it.

Hopefully this one is pretty close to the final version. Although i still want to receive as much opinions and constructive criticism as possible ~
so please take the time to read it and comment if you can =P

I've also been working on some character designs
~ so hopefully I can post those soon =P

Thanks to all who take the time to read and comment ~!

---->

Original Spark of Inspiration:

“crashes through time”

-----------------------

Setting - A cathedral hallway. 

The hallway has a red carpet running down the middle of it 

and a cupboard/table half way down the hallway, on the left.
On top of the cupboard/table there is a pile of paper and on top of the paper is a cup of tea. 

The wall that she is laying against is covered in vines and moss.

And at the end of the hallway we see a tree trunk, indicating a large tree. 

In the background we hear a slight sound of a waterfall but we only see mist.

Figure 1: tea on top of paper

Figure 2: idea/influence for cathedral hallway

1. INT. Cathedral Hallway. Morning                                                                                         1.

Fade in from black

Figure 3 : Lighting example

The GIRL lays unconscious in the cathedral hallway, the walls are worn with time, vines and moss have made them their home. Red carpet runs down the hallway, a peculiar cupboard remains a disparate item, further on the trunk of a large tree extends upwards. Ambience of a waterfall nearby washes itself against the wider scene. Crepuscular rays stream in from the windows to the left, surrounding the girl and encapsulating her within the beam of light (see Figure 3 for lighting example) 

Light streams in from other windows to the front but mostly serve to spill onto her body and face. She stirs and begins to wake up, clutching at the locket around her neck she surveys the surroundings, unfamiliar to her she takes it all in as she rises to the world. 

The girl remains close as she stands, becoming the focus, she begins to walk towards the tree at the end of the hallway, more secure about herself she lets go of the locket. The cupboard remains motionless, papers on top of it flap gently held down by a cup of tea.

2. INT. Cathedral Hallway. Morning                                                                                                               2.

When she comes to a halt, looking up at the tree, 

Cut to

Figure 4: Cupboard Example

M/S of the girl, again using rule of thirds, so we can focus pull to see the cupboard door open. 

The GUARDIAN pokes his head out, looking around. He realises the presence of the Girl, and attempts to come out of the cupboard quietly. He stumbles and falls flat on his face, his arm outstretched in front of him failing to catch his fall. Half his body still contorted and concealed within the cupboard.

Due to the noise the girl turns around to look. 

Cut to a OTS shot (of the girl) – Knowing he made a lot of noise, the guardian lifts his elbow to see if she is looking –pause- when he realizes she’s staring at him, he puts his arm back down and lays still for a moment contemplating whether he should play dead or not, before deciding to get up. (see figure 4)

The Guardian is now standing facing the cupboard, he picks up the tea in his left hand and a few pieces of paper in the other hand. All the while taking quick side glances to see if she’s still looking or if she’s gone. He takes a sip.

Guardian 

In an awkward tone (as if to break the silence)

bleh – it’s cold

As he puts down the tea, the girl steps forward 

Girl

Also in a awkward, shy tone

Uhm, Excuse me..

The Guardian, glances at her quickly before grabbing the remaining papers and walking away in haste (as to avoid confrontation with the girl). She gives chase.

Girl

(more urgently now)

Wait! Please Wait!

(Pausing for breath)

I just need some directions,
I’m looking for the Eye of Gyron!

The Guardian stops in his tracks. A grin widens on his face but he pulls back as he turns around to face the girl.

Guardian

(dubiously friendly)

Oh my, 

I’m terribly sorry my dear,

I didn’t notice you were there. 

They both stand there facing one another. The girl is confused, suspicious and a bit insecure by the Guardian's sudden reversal.

She’s cut off by the sound of the cupboard door closing, she’s surprised by the noise. 

Cuts to OTS to see the guardian looking past the girl 

Zooms out so that the cupboard is also in view, we see new pieces of paper have been placed there. 

Guardian

Overly exaggerated and waving the old pieces of paper in his hands up and down

What!? MORE?!

He by-passes the girl while mumbling in annoyances and walks towards the cupboard but comes to a sudden stop as he realizes

Guardian

Still exaggerating – gasp in shock

My… my….my tea! 

He extends his arms upwards in despair before drooping them over the cupboard.

Ahh ~ only the devil would deprive me from my love.
Nae ~ I must be strong ~ I must not speak of such things…

(quick pause of ‘strength’ before falling back into melodrama)

Ooohh my poor tea. How I miss thee. (sniff)

Confused the girl slowly walks towards the guardian and notices the badge on the shoulder of his sleeve (a flaming sword) 

Girl

 Under her breath

 A flaming sword…‘the Guardian’?

Guardian

Hm?

Girl

Ahh no, I just remembered,

There’s this legend about a person called the Guardian. 

It’s very famous. 

Do you know it? 

He stands up and starts looking through the papers with seemingly no particular reaction to the question.

Guardian

I’ve no interest in time-wasting, idle chatter my dear. 

Girl

Dissatisfied with the reply and dubious

So then, 

you don’t believe in the great Protector?

Guardian

uninterested

Maybe. Maybe not. 

Girl

Dissatisfied with the reply

But you just said that you have no interest. You even called it “idle chatter”.

Guardian

Turn to look at the girl

No;
You asked if I know a legend about the Guardian.
To which I replied, I have no interest in such utter time-wasting gossip.

You then proceeded to ask whether or not I believe in the Protector.

To which I did not feel the need to answer in a logical manner. 

(Turning back to the papers in front of him – said in a disinterested tone)

There is a great difference between idle chatter and reality my dear.

Reacting(slightly agitated) to what’s on the paper;

Pffhahaha

My good man, do you know exactly to whom it is, that you say these words?

Scrunches’ up the piece of paper and throws it away.

Guardian

Still talking about the scrunched up paper

I think not. 

Girl

Ignoring his tantrum

I tend to disagree. 

This catches the guardian’s interest and he looks at her

Guardian
with what, exactly, is it that you disagree with?

Girl

Your opinion. 

Legends are born from reality. 

There is not that much difference between legends and reality. 

Guardian

Looses complete interest – sighs as though all hope is lost
said sarcastically

Yes yes, 

I’m sure your guardian will soon come to elegantly and heroically 

rescue you on his white horse all while wearing an insufferable suit of armor.  

Now, If you’ll excuse me. I have things to do, 

People to see, tea to drink

Girl

Wait, your not going to help me?

Guardian

Bursts out into laughter

(still trying to regain composure) 

The hilarity of such a proposal.

(pause to breath and regain composure – 

clear’s his throat before becoming completely serious – said with an evil under-tone)

No my dear. 

That would make things incredibly boring, don’t you agree?

(quick pause to think) 

why I,
I wouldn’t even have time to drink tea. 

(rhetorically)

A fair lady such as yourself would not dare deprive 

me of such an event, 

would you?

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I truly must take my leave.

Until next time, my dear. 

There’s a loud unexpected noise, the girl turns around to see, when she turns back the Guardian is gone.